Tumblr’s been pretty good about spreading it around when Dear Abby gets something right, like telling someone who has moved to a new neighborhood that treating her gay and lesbian neighbors with disdain isn’t cool.
Today, tumblr needs to come down on Abby. A woman wrote in asking for help with an abusive husband, who attempts to force himself on her sexually. Abby’s reply was to tell the woman to put out more, and see a gynecologist to see if she can figure out why the sex hurts.
Apparently Abby thinks sexual assault should be pleasurable? And this abusive husband that Abby is covering for does this stuff in front of their children…so he’s teaching them, by example, that “no” doesn’t mean anything and consent doesn’t matter.
Please write to Abby and let her know that she has completely dropped the ball on this one. She needs to apologize to the lady who wrote in seeking help. She needs to apologize to her readers for taking the side of the abuser. And she needs to recognize that telling an abuse victim that she should have sex with her abuser more often (actual quote: “I can’t help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet”) is incredibly harmful, damaging, and shameful.
Below the cut is the message I sent her — feel free to use it as the basis for your own if you don’t feel comfortable starting from scratch: