not-actually-that-cool tagged me in the question thingy (I’m always OK with being tagged in these, even though I don’t tag other people because I get sad when they don’t do it, plus I stink at coming up with good questions).
1. What is your favorite day of the week?
I honestly usually can’t tell one from the other. I generally prefer weekdays to weekends, though, because Match Game ‘76 comes on at 5am on weekdays.
2. Do you like your mother?
Most of the time she’s pretty groovy.
3. Last book you read?
Self-Working Mental Magic by Karl Fulves (a magic book counts, right?)
4. How do you feel about garden gnomes?
I doubt I’d ever buy any, but I’m not bothered by them unless they’re telling me to go and smell the roses.
5. Are you ready to be a grown up yet?
Not in the slightest. I’m ill-prepared in just about every way possible.
6. How many hours of sleep do you get in a night?
It probably averages out to 7-8 per night — as long as you count the times when I stay up for 2 to 2½ days followed by 16-18 hours of sleep. If I sleep on consecutive days, I’m lucky to get 6 hours.
7. Why are you even on tumblr?
If it weren’t for tumblr, I’d have no friends at all.
8. How is your room decorated?
Above my bed, I’ve got two animation cels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit in a single frame — a before and after set from when he drinks the whiskey and goes all Technicolor.
On the opposite wall are the mini attraction posters that came in the 2014 calendar I bought at Disneyland last year. And over my window is a big dark blue bedsheet to keep out the light that bleeds in through the weird opaque cloth blinds this house has so I can sleep during the day.
9. What is the favorite vacation you ever went on?
I think I’ve got to pick my first trip to Walt Disney World in 1999. It was a bucket list item, and my first time really understanding the difference in scale. Even though I stayed off-property and had to sit through time share presentations every morning to board the hotel bus to the parks, it was a totally new experience and I absolutely fell in love with the place (but in a totally different way from the way I love Disneyland).
10. Do you have a favorite sport?
I’ve always been a baseball fan above all else.
11. What is your favorite memory?
The day I got hired at Disneyland in 1994. I was so giddy with excitement! It was another bucket list item, and one that ended far too soon. But the amazement that I felt at the time is something I’ll never forget.
I guess it’s 2002 today and this is Livejournal
name ➔ Kenny
birth place ➔ Los Angeles
where do i live ➔ Washington state (formerly California and Illinois and then California again)
hair color ➔ Brownish
eye color ➔ Blue
birthday ➔ The day after Mickey Mouse’s
gender ➔ Male
lefty or righty ➔ Righty
single or taken? ➔ Forever alone
happy? ➔ Hahahahahaha nope.
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
are you in love ➔ Nope
do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Nope
who ended your last relationship ➔ It was pretty mutual. We both realized at about the same time that we were just too different (it also didn’t help that when I flew to New York to see her she forgot to pick me up at the airport).
have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Yes.
are you afraid of commitments ➔ No, but I do consider it unlikely.
have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ No.
have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Not that I know of. One morning in the mid-’90s I went down to my car and there was a bouquet of flowers tucked under my windshield wiper, but no note and it was a one-time deal. I never found out who they were from, and I think my car was just a convenient place to leave them for a stranger because they didn’t want them from whoever had given the flowers to them, but they didn’t want to throw them away either (and I was parked right next to the dumpster).
do you usually spend valentine’s day alone? ➔ I’m 39 years old and I have never NOT been alone on Valentine’s Day. It’s a tradition that I doubt will ever be broken.
short or long-term relationships? ➔ Long-term. But let’s be real, neither one is happening.
love or lust ➔ Love.
lemonade or iced tea ➔ Iced Tea.
cats or dogs ➔ Dogs.
a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ Few best friends.
television or internet ➔ I can watch TV on the internet, but I can’t scroll tumblr on the TV. Internet wins.
pepsi or coke ➔ Coke. Or Dr. Pepper if it’s available.
wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Romantic night in.
day or night ➔ The night time is the right time.
text or call ➔ I have no phone, so let’s go with email or tumblr/facebook message (email/facebook is more reliable, but usually when I offer it people don’t want it anyway).
make-up or au naturel? ➔ On me? Natural. On you? Whatever you feel at that particular moment is groovy and not my choice to make.
TEN HAVE YOU EVER (you asked for Ten you got him)
been caught sneaking out? ➔ Nope.
fallen down/up the stairs? ➔ A couple times, but not since the 1990s.
wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔
prank called a store? ➔ Nope.
skipped school? ➔
wanted to disappear? ➔
Every single day.
spent all your money? ➔
met a celebrity? ➔ Several (I grew up in L.A. and worked at Disneyland — I met more at Disneyland than when I worked at an actual movie studio).
been really ill? ➔
gotten high? ➔ It’s been years now, but yup.
smile or eyes ➔ [WhenIrishEyesAreSmiling.mp3] - but I’ll say eyes.
light or dark hair ➔
shorter or taller ➔ Shorter
intelligence or attraction ➔ Intelligence is attractive
hook-up or relationship ➔ Relationship
funny and poor or rich and serious ➔ I’m used to poor. Why change now?
mac or pc? ➔ PC
chapstick or lipstick? ➔ I tend not to use either.
city or country? ➔ A bit of both if possible.
driving or walking? ➔ Driving, though I haven’t done that for quite a few years either.
last phone call? ➔ My sister (she called for my mom but my mom wasn’t home so I answered). Last phone call that was actually for me? It’s probably been a few years.
last song you listened to? ➔ The Beatles - When I’m Sixty-Four
last thing you ate? ➔ Beans with leftover ham (hooray for not ramen!)
last thing you drank? ➔ Water
last place you were? ➔ I went out into the front yard on the 4th. Before that? Ummm…Disneyland last November (I don’t leave the house much these days — there’s not much for me out there).
last kiss? ➔ November 2008
last picture taken? ➔ Disneyland last year
last outfit? ➔ Ripped sweats and an old t-shirt (all my clothes are old and/or ripped these days).
last purchase? ➔ A trackball from Amazon with money from Mturk (surveys and stuff for money that can only be spent at amazon.com unless you link up to a bank account, which I don’t have).
I was tagged in a “give us five random facts about yourself” thingy. I’ll try to come up with some that those of you who I’ve known for a while haven’t heard already.
- Sometimes I really wish I could not take things so seriously. Like, if a facebook friend posts a thing saying that people should drink lemon and ginger and stuff instead of having bypass surgery, I can’t just shrug it off and let it go. But I’ve seen a lot of versions of the “Someone is wrong on the internet!” post lately and I realize that I’m that guy and it’s probably part of the reason I’ll always be alone. But when I see something like that I can’t help but speak up (hence the entire blog I’ve got dedicated to debunking fake tumblr posts).
[Speaking of being that guy, I gained two followers from my DashCon posts today. One unfollowed as soon as I said I was done, and the other will probably unfollow soon. I looked at their blog and there was a post that makes me think they aren’t going to like me very much at all if they watch me post long enough.]
- I’ve been watching the Harry Potter marathon today while watching the happenings in the midwest. It’s my first time making it past the third movie. I just heard the line “I did my waiting! 12 years of it! In Azkaban!” in context for the first time. The delivery was much more emotional than I’d always pictured it when I’d see it in print.
If I make it to the end of Prisoner of Azkaban, then I am OK to sleep. The marathon continues, but it will pick up at 4am tomorrow morning with Goblet of Fire.
- Sometimes when I watch a movie like this I wish I would have been able to devote more time to it when I was in Drama in middle school. Life circumstances kept me from being able to practice much, but sometimes I think I could have been a pretty good actor. When I worked at Universal I used to daydream of being “discovered,” but most of the discoveries there happen with tour guides, not retail managers.
- I get lonely a lot, but for the most part I accept that it’s probably for the best. I mean, I wish I had local friends I could hang out with, but I think the world is better off if I don’t contribute to the continuation of my blood line. It will continue anyway (my older sister, who shares the same loser dad, has kids, and my dad had 10 brothers and sisters so the bloodline will continue, but at least nobody can blame me for it if I never procreate).
- I still never want to be homeless again, but there are times when I get a little nostalgic for the motel nights I’d have a few nights per week after getting my paycheck from Universal Studios. Just me, my flip-phone video games, a fuzzy TV (unless I spent the extra $20 for the better motel that had cable), and getting Fatburger from down the street. Most nights when I was homeless really sucked, and I think that’s why I remember the motel nights so fondly. Even though, depending on which room I was in, I may have a mirror over the bed (and once, a dildo in the drawer where the Gideon Bible usually goes) and sometimes there were cockroaches, it beat the alternatives that I had at the time.
I feel all smart and stuff (for the moment, at least). Stepdad asked me if I would trust paying one of those “find people” websites for information on his best friend’s son — his best friend since childhood has cancer and hasn’t been answering the phone or replying to emails, so he thinks that maybe he can find out what’s going on from his friend’s son. The only problem — he doesn’t have contact info for the guy.
So I filled him in that along with the $0.95 for the report, he’d also be signing up for a recurring charge, but had him give me the guy’s name. It took me about 20 minutes, but I got him two phone numbers (plus six phone numbers for his friend’s daughter) plus an email address for free. It just takes being persistent and using what you learn on one site to start a new search with more detail until you match something that has the rest of what you need.
No $25/month for us, thanks. Not when you’ve got Kenny Research available for the low, low price of room and board.
I hate how I drive people away. Even when it’s only temporarily.
Sometimes when I’m down, someone will try to tell me things to make me feel better. And I know they’re trying to be helpful, but when I’m really depressed nothing is going to get through and make me think, “You know what? Things are actually kind of OK.”
But I don’t seem to be capable of actually telling someone, at least in the moment, “I know you’re trying to help, and I appreciate it, but trust me on this one — it’s a wasted effort.”
Instead I end up arguing about how yes, things actually are that bad. And then I’m bringing them down, and they just stop talking because they don’t know what to say.
I wish I could just come out right away and tell people, “if you want to make me feel better, talk to me about normal things.”
Don’t tell me that you think I’m great, because I certainly don’t think I’m great so I’m not going to believe it when you say it. I might believe that you think I am, but it won’t convince me to believe it myself. I’ll just figure that I’ve got you fooled.
And don’t tell me how things could be worse, because then I’ll start dwelling on ways that things will get worse. Because it life has taught me anything, it’s that things can always get worse.
Just…let me know that you’re there. I’m probably not going to want to talk about specifics, because every time I do I end up scaring people away.
But it does help if someone just says that they understand that I’m down, and that they are still my friend. Because my biggest fear is losing the few friends that I do have, and every time I get down on myself, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing all of them.
I truly do thank those of you who have ever tried to cheer me up and somehow haven’t run away screaming yet despite how difficult I am. I really do appreciate it. I suck at showing it, but I do appreciate the fact that you wanted to try.
I just wish I wasn’t so broken, and that the whole “cheer up” thing actually worked on me.
I finally got my permanent ID card in the mail.
When I went to the DOL to get it, they still had my old info, so other than the new address they just used the same info they had on file from 2002. My height is the same, so no big deal there, but I definitely don’t weigh 235 anymore.
I told the lady at the time — I don’t own a scale, but I made a guess at a more accurate weight for me. She changed it in the computer. My mom said she wouldn’t have said anything, but I’m like…I don’t even look like 235. I had to say something.
But when I got my ID in the mail, I looked at it and it says 235.
Then I checked my temporary paper ID that they gave me that day, and it said 235 as well.
It’s just odd because I saw her change it (there was a second monitor facing me so I could verify that all the info was correct, and I saw the change). Maybe she just forgot to save it?
So yeah…it’s not worth going back to get it corrected. Washington can just go on believing that I weigh less than I do. At least I tried to be honest about it.
Let me Introduce Myself
Saw these questions and I figured, why not? But instead of asking people to send me numbers, and then getting bummed if nobody does, I’m just gonna answer them.
1. The meaning behind my URL
It’s as close to my actual name as I get online.
2. A picture of me
I’m in bed and don’t feel like getting out of it, so here’s my head on my pillow.
3. Tattoos I have
I don’t have any. But here’s a picture of Tattoo from Fantasy Island:
4. Last time I cried and why
Two days ago, because I’m a failure at life.
5. Piercings I have
None now. I had my left ear pierced in 1997 after the first time I left Disney (mostly just because I could after a few years of it not being an option), but it’s long closed up.
6. Favorite Band
This is a tough one, and a question that may get different answers from me at different times. Even now I find it hard to pick, but I’ll call it a tie between Counting Crows and Live.
7. Biggest turn off(s)
When people forget that I exist (which is kind of a constant in my life, ever since I was a kid). Also, being rude to anyone in the service industry for no good reason. I mean, sure, get mad at someone if you see them spit in your food or something, but not because they won’t take your expired coupon. Oh, and when people say stuff like “everything will turn out OK in the end” or “things can only get better.” Because sometimes they don’t.
8. Top 5 (insert subject)
Let’s go with top 5 Disney characters. I’ll letter them instead of numbering them since the questions have already taken up the numbers.
a. Bert from Mary Poppins
b. Eglantine Price from Bedknobs and Broomsticks
c. Professor Ludwig Von Drake
d. Captain EO
e. Professor Emelius Browne from Bedknobs and Broomsticks
9. Tattoos I want
I don’t think I want one, to be honest. When I was younger I kind of wanted one, but I could never decide on a design that I knew I wanted on my body forever, or where on my body to put it. Now the desire just isn’t really there anymore.
Although I suppose I could get a tattoo of Tattoo from Fantasy Island…
10. Biggest turn on(s)
That twinkle that appears in someone’s eyes when they’re really happy. Or when someone is as willing to talk about Disney (especially the parks) as I am.
In the immortal words of Jack Benny, “I’m 39!” Except I actually am 39 — I’m not just saying that. Yet. Wait until mid-November and then it will be a lie when I say it.
12. Ideas of a perfect date
Disneyland. But let’s not kid ourselves into thinking anyone would date me.
13. Life goal(s)
I already had it, and then I let it slip away. Now I’m just trying to hold on.
14. Piercings I want
None. If I ever really get the urge to wear an earring again I’ll buy a clip-on or something.
15. Relationship status
Let’s not kid ourselves with this one. Nobody wants a broken down failure like me.
16. Favorite movie
The Princess Bride
17. A fact about my life
I played Little League when I was younger, but spent most of the time on the bench because I wasn’t very good — I was an OK fielder but my throwing arm wasn’t strong and I was a terrible batter. I even went out to coach 3rd base for the wrong team once. I was also the only kid who never had a parent in the stands, not even for a single game in the three years that I played — my mom preferred to use the time during my games to go have sex with Evil Stepdad #1.
That it never gets better and I die alone. And I’m like 90% sure that that’s exactly what is going to happen.
19. Middle name
I don’t think I’m going to fully answer this one — it’s sort of like Earl, but it isn’t Earl.
20. Anything you want to ask
If any of you have questions that you want to ask, my ask box is always open.
I’m sure some of you have noticed that I’ve been really irritable lately.
I finally legally exist!
After a couple weeks of putting it off (because I was so worried about the outcome), I finally went to the DMV (or, in Washington-speak, the DOL) today about an ID.
I came this close to not being able to get one. My birth certificate, expired California ID, Social Security number, and voter registration card weren’t enough to prove that I exist. My mom brought her last few tax returns to show that I’ve been listed as a dependent. They said those didn’t help at all.
The only reason I was able to get an ID at all is because I lived here for a few months in 2002 when we moved here from Illinois, before I went down to California to work at Disneyland again. And because I got a WA driver’s license then, I was able to get an ID today since the state knew that I existed before. The clerk who helped us made a phone call to have my purged record un-purged.
If I’d have waited until California to get a new ID to replace my Illinois one 12 years ago instead of getting one here, Washington would have turned me down for an ID today.
And that’s what I’ll be thinking about every time Voter ID laws come up — for some people, getting an ID isn’t even a possibility. It almost wasn’t a possibility for me.
Tag, I’m it
You know the drill, I post the rules and then say that I’m not going to follow all the rules and then I answer the questions I was tagged to answer and then I come up with 11 more questions and I say that anyone can answer, just tag me so I know you did it in case it’s one of those days where I don’t get to go through my whole dash (or mention works too, now that I’ve found out that there’s an email setting to get an email when someone mentions you so I don’t have to worry about missing those anymore) and then nobody answers the questions I write but that’s OK because I didn’t expect it anyway.
Here are the questions that easternalice tagged me in:
1. What is your favorite thing in the world?
Disneyland (a place can be the “thing,” right?).
2. Think of the last thing that made you happy. What was it?
It’s gotta be my last trip to Disneyland this past November. I hadn’t been there in 8½ years, which is the longest I’ve ever been away from the place in my life. It just felt really good to be home, and to meet a few tumblr friends, and to actually feel like I was back where I belonged, even if it was just for a handful of days.
3. What are you best at? What are you worst at?
I’m a really good researcher. If it’s on the internet, I can probably find it. And I’m really good at tearing down right-wing/Republican claims (for those who didn’t follow me in 2012, check my #Mitt Romney tag — I’m looking forward to taking on whoever the Republicans put forward in 2016, unless it’s someone I actually think would be good, but having watched how Republicans have acted for the past five years I’m not holding my breath on that).
And I’m the absolute worst at finding a job. I’m just a couple months shy of four years now since the last company I worked for went out of business. I just don’t have what anybody is looking for. Come to think of it, that goes for love, too. Not just romantic love, although that’s included. I’m just not right for anyone, personally or professionally. I wasn’t even right for my own dad.
4. Favorite Disney character or movie (or both?)
Bert from Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins is usually my favorite movie, although sometimes Bedknobs and Broomsticks takes the top spot. But Bert is pretty much always the top character. A jack of all trades, and instrumental in not only getting Mary to work her magic, but also capable of working magic on his own (because when he convinces those kids that their dad isn’t awful, that’s some work of magic right there).
5. Do you have a favorite game? (Card games, board games, video games… Anything)
This is a tough one. I played a lot of great video games growing up, but I think my favorite game to play was always Mousetrap, the board game. I just loved watching the Rube Goldberg machine do its thing.
The trouble was that my parents used to like getting me board games, but nobody ever wanted to play them with me, so I’d just sit there setting up the components of the trap and then setting it off and just watching it work. I sort of had to do that with a lot of games — I’d play against myself and try to not cheat and favor one “player” over the other since for every game I won, that was also a game that I lost.
I also used to love setting up dominoes and knocking them over, but I never had more than one set so I couldn’t do anything fancy with them.
6. Describe your best friend. Or, if you don’t have one, describe what you think a good friend would be like!
My best real-life (as in not met on tumblr) friend lives 2,000 miles away, and we talk maybe every few months. On tumblr I’ve got some good friends, but they all have their own lives and their own and their own struggles to deal with, so I can’t expect to be a top priority for them.
Often I just really wish there was someone I could call up and say “hey, can you come over?” or “hey, let’s hang out at your place” or something because it’s nice to be able to talk to people online sometimes, but it’s no substitute for actually looking at someone while you talk to them, being able to actually BE with a friend when you need one. I haven’t been able to do that in quite some time (I think it’s almost two years since I hung out with my L.A. friend in person, and since I have zero local friends that’s the last time I’ve hung out with anyone in person that wasn’t a family member).
7. Movies or books?
Books, overall. On rare occasion the movie may live up to the book, but it’s rare. Of course, the movie is also less of a time commitment.
8. What is your favorite food? Do you get to eat it often?
My mom makes this fantastic Enchilada Deep Dish, which is sort of like a lasagna made with Mexican spices (still ground meat and cheese, but seasoned differently), and corn tortillas instead of lasagna noodles. It’s fantastic, but she only makes it two or three times a year.
9. I adore you. You’re the best. I know it’s not a question, I just felt like saying it.
Thanks, Eva. You’re pretty swell yourself.
10. Describe your dream house.
Not living with my parents. I’m not picky about the particulars of the house; just someplace where I can get peace and quiet when I want it, room for guests when I want company, and not falling apart. I’ve been homeless, so as long as I’ve got a roof over my head I’m ahead of where I’ve been.
11. If anything were possible, what would you do?
I would spend every day at Disneyland. Half the day as a cast member (security, custodial, just a random guy with a name tag, whatever, so long as I’m mobile), and the other half as a guest (or just a cast member all day if I can also go on attractions). Maybe move into Walt’s apartment. Or not…that’s too special. Maybe with my own new apartment. I wonder if Wally Boag’s old apartment is still above what is now the Jolly Holiday Bakery? Or if it could get put back there? That would be a cool place to hang out when I’m not in the park itself. Plus it’s easy access to either Main Street or Adventureland depending on which door I take from backstage to get onstage.
Now for my eleven questions for any takers:
1. If you could gain one creative skill (drawing, ventriloquism, dancing, playing an instrument, writing, juggling, or whatever), what would you want to be able to do?
2. What is your favorite Disney attraction (at any Disney park)?
3. What’s the last movie you saw that you didn’t like?
4. When you wake up tomorrow morning, you find $1,000 in your pants pocket. What do you do with it?
5. What is your favorite sport to watch, if any?
6. What language do you wish you spoke that you don’t already speak?
7. You get to bring one of your heroes back from the dead for one week to talk to them, learn from them, have dinner or drinks, or whatever you want to do (they won’t be all decomposed and gross; they’ll be as they were when they were alive). Who do you bring back to spend time with?
8. Who should be the 14th Doctor? If you don’t watch Doctor Who, then who should be the next host of the Tonight Show?
9. When someone sneezes, do you say “bless you” or “gesundheit” or something else or nothing at all?
10. If, after you die, you got to come back as any animal (human included), what would you want to be reincarnated as?
11. You thought I was going to ask more Disney-centric questions, didn’t you?
My sis and her family have left.
I can finally hear myself think again for the first time in a week and a half (that may or may not be a good thing…we all know what happens when I think too much).
Tomorrow I plan on sleeping as much of the day away as I possibly can. I won’t have a big-old plastic truck being pushed up and down the hardwood floors right on the other side of the wall from where my head is as I try and fail to sleep.
Tuesday, my mom has a doctor’s appointment (she hurt her leg at the gym tripping on some weights; it got infected pretty badly, and if it had happened 20 years ago the doc said her leg would have had to be amputated but with modern medicine her odds of keeping it are pretty good). I may sleep a lot that day as well.
Then, Wednesday, I start trying to get an ID. We’re just going to go to the DMV with my old California ID (which expired in 2012), my birth certificate, and my parents’ tax return from last year showing that they claim me as a dependent, and hope for the best.
It seems I don’t exist
…at least as far as the state of Washington is concerned.
My mom and sister told me today that they’re planning a trip for September that they want me to go along for. The trouble? It involves an airplane flight.
I don’t have a valid ID, so I can’t go through airport security. The last time I flew was in 2012, before my ID expired (it expired in 2012).
So my mom said that she’d take me to get a driver’s license. When I said, “great, as long as you’re willing to put up the $85 that it costs to get one,” she said “well, maybe we’ll just get you a state ID card.” Even that will cost $59.
But the problem is that the state of Washington wants identification that I can’t provide. If an old ID is used, it has to have expired within 60 days. I’m WAY past that. I don’t have a Social Security Card, because it was in a wallet that was stolen from me at gunpoint when I lived in L.A. A birth certificate works, but only as part of a set of at least four separate pieces of identification required if I don’t have one of the “stand alone” pieces of identification. I only have two of the items on that list. I don’t have a federal ID. I don’t have a work ID. I don’t have a concealed carry permit (nor would I want one, but it’s on the list of acceptable ID). I don’t have a Medicare card, a marriage certificate, or a valid Guatemala Consulate ID card (that’s on the list too).
So I can’t even get a Washington State ID.
I thought about maybe getting a passport instead, but that would cost $135-$145 (depending on whether I got the Passport Card along with the book or just the book itself). But from looking at the passport requirements, it may be easier to convince them, based on my old expired CA ID card, my Voter Registration Card, my birth certificate, and a sworn affidavit from a family member who goes in with me, that I am who I say I am.
But that’s a lot more expensive, so I don’t know if that’s going to be seen by my parents as a valid option.
It was rough enough when I had trouble proving to Amazon that I was who I said I was. Now I may not even be able to travel because of my inability to prove that I exist.
If I tried to get out of paying taxes, they’d know I existed. But to get an actual ID card? There may just be too many hoops to jump through.