Into the Deep Day 5 - Something I Hope to Do In My Life
My desires are simple. I just want to have my dream job back, the perfect woman, win the lottery, and travel the world.
Wait, I should keep this realistic.
Naturally, I’d love to find a good job (right now I’d settle for any job, but eventually I want one that I can be happy at). Finding true love? Not sure that’s in the cards for me. If it happens, that’s fantastic, but I’m not holding my breath. Even if I don’t find Ms. Right, it would be nice to have a Ms. Right-Now once in a while.
But I really just want to make a difference. I’m not wanting to be the president, I don’t need to be famous. But my happiest moments are when someone sends me a message saying that something I said struck a nerve or helped in some way. I’m not saying it happens a lot, because it doesn’t, but when it does it’s about the best feeling I get.
I’m not sure if there is some grand purpose. I lean towards an answer of no. I’m atheist, but who knows? I could be wrong (which would suck because then I could be as good a person as I possibly can, but I’d still go to hell for not believing).
It just seems that if the Vicodin overdose didn’t kill me, and the car wreck where I broke my skull didn’t kill me, and the asshole who held a gun to my gut as he robbed me in L.A. didn’t pull the trigger and kill me, maybe there is some reason I’m here.
I honestly don’t see a lot of success for me in the future. It’s hard to be “up” on myself after over a year of unemployment, not to mention my other failures in love and other matters. But maybe someone, somewhere will be better off because of me somehow. That’s my biggest hope at this point.