Understanding a Shame-Based Personality
There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. Blaming is being told you did something wrong. Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. Examples of shaming statements include:
· “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
· “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
· “You could never do what he/she does”
· “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”
Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:
1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.
2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.
4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re beautiful – and everyone tells them that.
6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.
7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.
8. They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them).
9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do what others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.
10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.
11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.
12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others.
This hurt a little to read through. It hits really close to home.
16288 Notes/ Hide
- diasybuchanan likes this
- trebaolofarabia likes this
- enigmaticvixen reblogged this from saekas
- tryals likes this
- thefunkiestbagodicks reblogged this from lesbianblack
- crackinthecloud reblogged this from saekas
- lesbianblack reblogged this from saekas
- the-siege-perilous likes this
- thevicarorwhatever likes this
- 267198 reblogged this from saekas
- deansmycherrypie likes this
- insomniacapples likes this
- saekas reblogged this from asexualderekhale
- ferret55 likes this
- ferckinclerser likes this
- dichotomy-days reblogged this from theimaginaryslimshady and added:
- princeofkvlt reblogged this from necromancercronus
- princeofkvlt likes this
- theimaginaryslimshady reblogged this from necromancercronus
- necromancercronus reblogged this from asexualderekhale
- necromancercronus likes this
- camdenlaheys likes this
- cdrmanamana likes this
- str4b3rryb1tch reblogged this from asexualderekhale
- asexualderekhale reblogged this from onlinecounsellingcollege
- loltopaz reblogged this from churchofthehelixfossil
- brienneandthetarths reblogged this from onlinecounsellingcollege
- tamikaflynned likes this
- sirken likes this
- crazygirrl5 reblogged this from persnikitty5
- platoapproved likes this
- persnikitty5 reblogged this from bourbonandbiscuits
- bourbonandbiscuits reblogged this from maddiesaur
- west4thstreet likes this
- stillanerd likes this
- peasantwisdom reblogged this from totallyacomputer
- frank-anthony-iero81 likes this
- bookwormcouchpotato reblogged this from pokemonmasterkimba
- endlessexcuses reblogged this from strawberryfaerie
- foxyjellyfish likes this
- tytannial likes this
- 9001euchre reblogged this from onlinecounsellingcollege
- seektranquility likes this
- smallest-bear reblogged this from onlinecounsellingcollege and added:
- 3ammicrosleeps likes this
- zedstream reblogged this from cosmictuesdays
- zedstream likes this
- sparklingcleanlies reblogged this from cosmictuesdays
- amovingtarget reblogged this from amovingtarget