Kenny's Head • One year ago

One year ago

Per molotov’s request, me today vs me from a year ago.

A year ago, I’d only been unemployed for half as long. Oddly enough, even though I remain bummed out by the fact that I can’t find a job, I’m handling it much better these days. I think I’ve just gotten used to the disappointment.

A year ago, I was losing my grip completely. It was almost a year ago (OK, 11 months ago on July 20th) that I posted this and suddenly had seemingly all of tumblr and twitter sending me platitudes about how it gets better (still waiting) and how I should go get help and/or medication (still can’t afford to). I remember you, Molotov, not doing that. You just gave me your understanding without the B.S. lines. I haven’t forgotten how refreshing it was to get your honest response.

On the plus side, even with:

  • my dad ignoring my emails and phone calls until I gave up on him, to him wanting a public fake reconciliation on facebook (I didn’t go along), being guilt-tripped by my whole family for refusing to see him for Thanksgiving, and subsequently left out of the will
  • another year of unemployment, including the first job interview since 1994 where I didn’t get the job or promotion I was up for (and that’s a lot of interviews)
  • continued lack of a love life
  • friends who have come and gone
  • zero income

…somehow I’m coping better than I was.

Sure, I still have my moments, but nothing like last July. I’m better at pretending I’m OK, maybe. It also helps that I’ve been tweaking my online experience, unfollowing people who make me feel bad about myself (often great people who do it through no fault of their own — though in a few cases, especially on twitter, it’s been very intentional). But since I go back and read every post on my timeline, I want to make them posts I want to see.

The rest of the people, well, I can visit their blogs from time to time to see how they’re doing.

I’m still tweaking my experience…I’m going more towards Disney blogs and following less of the “Whooo! I’m drinking! Yeah, party!” blogs. Disney is my happy place…why limit that?

I may be living vicariously through cast members and fellow fans, but it’s been working for me mentally.

And that’s the beauty…I’m learning that just because a ton of people who I know follow someone, it doesn’t mean I have to follow them as well. I’ll still be perpetually behind on tumblr and often ignoring twitter, but I’ll be happier. Some egos may be bruised by unfollows and to them, I’m sorry.

Anyway, I guess I’m still a yo-yo, just like I was a year ago… sometimes up, sometimes down. But lately I’m in more of a “meh” mode…the swing isn’t as big as it was before.

Stay tuned…next year I’ll probably be a different version of the same paradox again. But I’ll probably be just as long-winded.

9 Notes/ Hide

  1. molotovcoqteez said: Great post! Thank you! I try not to tell people that things will get better because I don’t really believe it. I believe WE get better to spite our situations, and that however long it takes us to get there, we will eventually rise above it all n_n
  2. kennyvee posted this