KennyVee - An Introduction
Hi, thanks for checking out my About Me post. Here are some of the basics (last updated January 26, 2014):
- I tag most of my personal posts with #Kenny instead of #me (this is the only post with a #me tag since this is where everyone will look first). If you just want to skip to pictures to find out that I’m not attractive in the slightest, those are in the #pictures of me tag. Sometimes I forget to tag, though.
- I suffer from Mirror-Touch Synesthesia. The easiest way to explain what that is: if I see pain, I feel pain. It really sucks.
- Mirror touch synesthesia aside, I hate the concept of schadenfreude. If you get pleasure out of seeing other people suffer, you’re a jerk and we will not be friends.
- If you’re into the Myers Briggs ratings, I’m INFP.
- I transcribe Welcome to Night Vale on another blog, but don’t expect to see too much of it here, other than mentioning that I’m transcribing it once in a while. I tend to transcribe the episode late at night, within a few hours of its release, then I run away before the fandom wakes up. I enjoy the show, but some of that fandom is toxic.
- I’m depressed most of the time these days. I used to be depressed for a few days or so and then snap out of it, but I’ve been in a nonstop downward spiral for quite a long time now. I honestly don’t know if I’m ever coming out of this one.
It’s like when you see a cluster of soap suds nearing the drain in the bathtub — it starts out getting close to it, maybe getting a bit of a slingshot effect, and then floating away from it. But the more it happens, and the lower the water drains, the less it slingshots out, and it gets caught in the suction more and more often, until it finally gets caught in a vortex and spins around in place until it’s sucked under.
I feel like I’ve gotten caught in that vortex now. I’ve stopped waiting to slingshot out of it, and now I’m just waiting for it to pull me under.
- I tend to talk politics. Kind of a lot. I’m very liberal in my political views. If you think calling someone a liberal is an insult, you and I will not be friends.
- I’ve had pretty constant headaches since around May of 2013. I’ve tried everything I can think of short of seeing a doctor.
- No, I can’t just go see a doctor, either for the headaches or the depression. I’m unemployed and uninsured (but my parents claim me as a dependent, so I don’t qualify for Medicaid). And the free clinic won’t touch this. They will only refer me to a hospital. And an acquaintance who had a very similar problem to mine racked up over $1,000,000 in medical bills when she went in. She was also in the hospital for six months and had five operations. I honestly see letting this kill me as the lesser of two evils, if it turns out that this could actually kill me (for example, if it’s a tumor or an aneurysm or something as opposed to just stress).
- I’m a major night-owl. I usually am online in the overnight hours and sleep during the day. Sometimes, though, I’ll just stay up for 36 hours straight and then sleep for 16.
- Even though I do a most of my posting in the overnight hours, I get bummed if nobody reads them. I may occasionally post some passive-aggressive ”nobody cares” statements. Don’t take it personally. Even though I sometimes do. Sometimes I’ll mention something about myself for a second or third time and someone will say “I never knew that” and I have to fight the urge to say “you would have known if you actually read my posts — I talked about it a couple days ago.”
- I’m a Disney nerd. I always have been. I worked at Disneyland for a total of 6 years, but it’s always been a part of my life. I’m not a Disney-centric blog (I have one of those, Mr. Geef), but some Disney will also be here, because it’s a part of who I am.
- I’m a pacifist. Violence is for idiots.
- I’m 39. I plan on staying there like Jack Benny did (for the record, I turned 39 in 2013, but I don’t think I’m going to move up to 40 in 2014). 40 scares the hell out of me. I was supposed to be somebody by now. Instead I’m a complete nobody.
- I got in a bad car wreck right after I turned 30 (I broke my skull around my right eye). If you ever see me post an x-ray of a skull, or go back to using it as my icon like I used to, it’s actually my own skull.
- I do curse from time to time, but not excessively so. I’m more likely to say poop than shit, because poop just sounds funnier. But if you’ll get offended by the word “fuck,” you should know that I’ll occasionally drop the F bomb.
- I believe in equality. For everyone. For women, for minorities, for every religion or lack thereof, any sexuality or lack thereof, and regardless of what nation a person is from. All should be treated equally. I leave the labeling of that belief to other peoples’ interpretation. Some people get so distracted over labels that it detracts from the basic argument that everyone should be treated equally no matter who they are.
- I really hate guns. I loathe them with a passion. I had a perpetually drunk stepdad (I call him Evil Stepdad #1) who got a gun, and he tried to kill my mom with it, and I was robbed at gunpoint by some random guy when I still lived in L.A., and that’s my entire experience with guns. If I never see a gun again, it will be too soon. The second amendment should be torn out of the Constitution and burned. Guns are for cowards. You will never change my mind about that, so don’t bother to try.
- If you ask a question, I’ll answer it…but I’m not one to post a plea for questions. I figure that you know it’s an option. If you want to ask, I’m down with that. If you don’t, that’s cool too.
Anon is (almost) always on. Sorry, anon is no longer an option. Too many people like to be rude but don’t have the guts to sign their name to it. Either own what you say or don’t bother to say it to me.
- I don’t reblog anything that tells me to reblog it, no matter how much I agree with it. I’ve actually blacklisted the phrase “reblog this” so I don’t see most of those posts. I don’t like people laying guilt trips. Yes, you can talk to me, Yes, I support LGBTQIA rights. Yes, I know that the A stands for Asexual and not Allies. Yes, I wish people would be nicer to each other. But I show it in the things I say, not by reblogging “Reblog this if” posts. It’s not because I think it will make my blog ugly, it’s just that whoever wrote it was probably only in it for the notes anyway. Also, if you’re trying to come up with arguments to present to your homophobic father, or looking for stats to use in a school report, I really hope you’ve got something better than tumblr notes to rely on because if that’s all you’ve got, you’re not even trying.
- I also don’t take kindly to “why doesn’t this have more notes?” comments. If I reblog anything with a comment like that on it, I’m either going to erase that comment or I’m going to tell off the person who said it. Take your guilt trip and shove it.
- You have no idea how much I love you for putting up with me.
- I have low self esteem. Like, really low.
- I’ve been through a LOT in my life. If you need someone to talk to about something, odds are that I can relate on some level. I suck at advice, though. If I knew what I was talking about, I wouldn’t be 39 and living with my parents (well, mom and the stepdad from her fourth marriage).
- My original dad didn’t want anything to do with me from when I was 12 until he found out he was dying of cancer over two decades later. Then we had a short reunion, and then he forgot about me again until right before he died. I turned down the chance to see him one last time. I didn’t go to his funeral. I don’t regret those decisions. I do not have fond memories of him. Father’s Day is a really hard day for me. I’m jealous of people who actually had dads that were part of their lives.
- Christmas Eve also really sucks. I was engaged once, and she broke it off in a “Dear John” email. On Christmas Eve.
- I don’t believe in God. I won’t berate you if you do believe (I’m not one of those “preachy” atheists). I grew up in a religious household. I went to church. I’ve read the Bible. I understand why some people believe, but I just don’t anymore. I try to be mindful of religious followers and not insult them, but sometimes I’m downright blasphemous.
- If you tell me that you will pray for me, I will say thank you. I will not lecture you about my personal beliefs (or lack thereof). If you are taking a little extra time out of your day to pray for good things for me, even if I only see it as you “thinking good thoughts about me” as opposed to telepathically transmitting them to a deity, that’s really nice of you and I do indeed appreciate it.
- Sometimes, I write just for the sake of writing. I try to hide longer posts under “read more” links because I don’t think people care, and I don’t want to clog up their dashboard (I mentioned my low self esteem, right?).
It’s been a while since I’ve written, though. I just haven’t felt creative at all for quite a while.
- When I remember, I put my writing posts under the #Kenny’s writing tag.
- I have a habit of killing off my characters. I don’t have many happy endings in things I write, because in my experience life is pretty damned frugal with handing out happy endings. It just seems that terrible endings are more realistic.
- People sometimes surprise me with how much they care. And it makes me feel really good every time it happens. It doesn’t happen very often, though.
- Other times, people say things to me that hurt my feelings. And those tend to stick in my mind much longer than the good things. I had to turn off anon because it got really bad. People can be real assholes.
- I think about suicide kind of a lot. Hopefully I buried that deep enough in this post that most people won’t read this far and see it. There are about three people who are the reasons that I don’t kill myself because I don’t want to hurt them (that number used to be higher — I sometimes edit this post when the number gets lower). But I don’t personally think there’s any real reason for me to still be here.
- The thought of losing those people scares the hell out of me. I used to have a lot more friends, but eventually, everyone gets sick of my shit and bails out. It hurts the most when it’s the people who promised that they never would. But eventually my depression costs me just about everybody I love. As one former friend put it, my “negativity is exhausting.”
- I do believe that you can make real-life friends online.
- If that’s not true, I’m screwed, because I don’t have a single real-life friend in the area in which I live. I’ve lived here since 2008, but I suck at making friends. I don’t have anyone at all who I can call up and ask if I can come over and talk to them. So it’s all online or nothing these days. Yes, that’s pathetic, but so’s my life.
- This is the most bullet points I’ve ever used at once.
- If you are hiring, I’m available and a hard worker. But I have no car, so my options are limited as to how far I can go. Me on an average day is better than many employees on their best day. But nobody will give me a chance to prove that. Hence the reason I feel so damned useless all the time.
- Did I mention that I’ve been unemployed since mid-2010? And it’s not for lack of trying. I’m just not good enough for anybody.
- I’m single, and probably always will be (like I said, I’m not good enough for anybody). Sometimes it bugs me, but mostly I’ve come to accept it. In the words of Henry Higgins, “Here I am, a confirmed old bachelor and likely to remain so.”
- I think that’s enough. You’ll just have to read my posts or ask me questions if you want to know more. Let me know if you want me to answer privately.
TL;DR: I’m nothing special and I don’t know why you would want to follow me…but if you do want to, welcome to the crazy train.