Today, I was driving my grandmother to her colonoscopy appointment and I could tell she was getting a bit riled up in the car. Her eyes were narrowed, her lips pursed as she stared straight ahead.
"I know you’re my granddaughter and all," she began in her high-pitched Texas drawl, "But I just don’t like this."
"Well, nobody likes getting a camera shoved in their butt,” I said.
"No, not that," she said tersely, and then she gestured to the dashboard. "I mean this. I don’t like having to rely on people to do things for me."
"The only reason I have to drive you is because you’ll be drugged up after the procedure and you won’t be able to drive," I explained. "They had Mom and Dad do the same thing for me. They always do that."
"Well, I know,” she said, only it sounded more like, “Well, Ah knooooooow.” She tensed her shoulders. “But they’re taking all the control away from us. They’re telling me I have to get a colonscopy, they’re telling me where I have to go to the doctor, they’re telling me what insurance I have to have…”
"You picked your insurance," I reminded her.
"Well, I knoooooow, but….”
She trailed off. Her eyes narrowed further, and their steely glare sharpened, much like a hawk when it zeroes in on a fish, or a lion when it zeroes in on a springbok, or an 80-year-old grandmother from Texas when she zeroes in on a Pillsbury biscuit.
Her lips thinned. She kept her gaze locked on the road in front of us. Slowly, she drew her purse up protectively to her chest and, with all the seriousness of an Oscar-winning actress delivering a career-making speech, she whispered, “Communism.”
She turned to me, shaking her head slowly.
"Communism," she repeated. "This is communism."
And that is how I learned that my grandmother has made communism her new archenemy. Because apparently, according to my mother, my grandmother has been on a “This-is-communism” kick for a few months and has decided that her colonoscopy and her doctors are part of a communist ploy to annoy her. Not anyone else. Just her.
I have to include a disclaimer here stating that my grandmother does not suffer from dementia, just a strong conviction that communism and the absence of new Walker, Texas Ranger episodes are leading to the desecration of good old-fashioned American morals.
To her credit, she has accepted the battle she must wage courageously. Not every 80-year-old grandmother can single-handedly take on the forces of communism and still have the stomach to eat a hamburger after having a camera inserted into her heinie.
Also to her credit, she seemed to have momentarily laid aside her burden as the Communist Crusher when she got out of the procedure, because the drugs were making her giggle and wave to everyone in the waiting room, and she also kept going, “Whoo!” every time she went down a step on the stairs.
Take that, communism.
With one eye you are looking at the outside world, while with the other you are looking within yourself.
AN eight-year old boy was rushed to hospital in a critical condition after being shot in the face by his seven-year-old cousin in an apartment in the US.
Oh, look. Another “responsible gun owner” who left his weapon where their seven year-old could find it and shoot his cousin.
Guns don’t always kill people, but that seven year-old would have had a hell of a time shooting his cousin in the face without one.
Q:Have you heard about Peter Capaldi refusing to act a romantic relationship with Clara? Do you think he'll do well, or be smothered by Moffat?
From what I’ve gathered, Peter Capaldi is a huge fan of Doctor Who that pretended to be a huge Moffat stan until he’d signed an airtight contract, at which point he revealed he hates the direction Moffat was taking the show he loves, plans to systematically undo it to the best of his ability, has been openly mocking and refusing the participate in parts of the script he doesn’t think are true to the character, and insisting that they “won’t chase him off this show,” which is basically saying “this town ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
I think the new season of Doctor Who is going to be glorious.
I kind of want a show that is just Capaldi on the set of Doctor Who mocking the script and butting heads with Moffat.
I knew I loved this man.
I have no idea whether this is true or not but I really want it to be.
The victim, Renisha McBride, was unarmed at the time of the incident and probably not in the right state of mind.
Thank goodness. About time these assholes with guns stopped getting away with murder just because they’re too chickenshit to open their door without a gun in their hand (which they then fire as soon as they see that the person at the door isn’t white).
Naturally, Theodore Wafer (the murderer) is shocked by the verdict. He’d probably watched enough news to know that usually courts in this country call it justified when the shooter is white and the victim is not, so I’m sure he figured he had a built-in “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
Tough shit, Theo. Enjoy prison, you fucking asshole. One more useless thug with a gun off the streets.
We find out on August 25th how long he gets to rot away in prison.
seeing shit like that makes me sick… what kind of psycho-ass person thinks they need that kind of firearm for ANYTHING, let alone to the neighborhood market. I’m curious though… are these pics from Israel? wondering because of the guy in green.
That pic is straight from the Open Carry Texas facebook page. I found it by googling “guns in Target” but their page is full of photos of these assholes who are too chickenshit to go anywhere without a fucking gun. These are the people who are so scared of their own shadows that they can’t abide the thought of not reminding everyone at every opportunity that they love their guns more than their family, their God, or their country.
Crap. Tumblr Hate has stopped working (again).
Guess I’ll use Xkit’s version.
Relatives of the man police shot and killed in an Ohio Walmart Tuesday said he was only carrying a “toy gun” — but it wasn’t exactly a Super Soaker.
White people show up to “second amendment rallies” and shop with real guns over their shoulder and nobody thinks twice.
But a black guy with an air rifle is shot by cops.
Granted, the gun looked like this:
…yet cops are OK with it when white people carry these things around:
I mean, white people do this shit all the time, but of course we all know that there’s a different set of rules when you aren’t white. If your skin is dark, in this country that automatically makes you a “bad guy with a gun” even when you don’t have an actual gun.