Kenny's Head

Chris Morris has created a new film, Four Lions, which has the guts to take on terrorism with classic British wit. Check out clips at http://www.four-lions.co.uk/.  I really hope this makes it to the US.

Unfortunately, people here are too worried about agreeing with the majority, however wrong it is, to avoid the hatred of other “God-fearing” Americans. The political correctness will probably win over common sense, as it usually does.  Free speech will lose out to political opinion, as it usually does. “Loving Christians” will once again show their hatred and fear, as they currently do over every mosque that’s built.

But let’s face it…we all have at least one idiot that we work with (or did, when we had jobs).  I imagine terrorism is no different.  I bet Osama bin Laden could watch this and laugh. “Haah haaaaahhh! That’s something Omar would have done! Oh, wait, he DID do that!”

I really can’t wait until this film is (hopefully) available here.

1. Guy comes up to register.  As I start transaction, his phone rings. After about 15 seconds of him ignoring the fact that he’s keeping the line waiting, I motion the next guy to the register. “As long as he’s too busy to take care of this, you are now in front of him in line.” Jerkazoid on phone continues conversation.

2. Liquidations bring out thieves. We had to cut off the public bathroom. Not sure which person we turned down today did it, but I went in to use it myself, and found two new Blu Rays that had been slid under the door in anticipation of stealing them where we couldn’t see.  Nice try, asshole.

3. Gotta admit, I love questions about how much stuff is.  There are signs EVERYWHERE telling them. “Read the signs” is one of my favorite replies.  For games, which are currently 80% off, I reply that the price is 80% off the marked price.  When they ask what the price is again, I tell them that they will pay 20% of the marked price. If they still don’t get it, I tell them to learn basic math. This is especially rewarding when the game is originally priced $9.99.

4. Haven’t had the balls to use this one…but there are only 2 days to go, so it may happen.  People keep asking what we will do for jobs. This pisses me off. It’s a personal question, and deserves a personal reply.  “Is your mom hiring?” seems to cross the line, but I may use it on the last day. My boss, who I do respect so will acquiesce to his wishes, has forbidden me from saying “I’m gonna drink myself into oblivion for a week, then blow my head off.” I still like that one, too bad I can’t use it.

5. Made a 9/11 joke. An annoying kid waiting for his mom to show up to give permission for me to sell him a Rated M game picked up a box cutter that is for sale. I referred to it as an “airplane hijacking kit.” He responded by saying it was inappropriate.  “Too soon?” was my reply. “It’s been nine years.  And my joke doesn’t change it one way or another.” (My normal response to tragedy is to deal with it via humor.)  He said, “What if I told you that my dad died on 9/11?,” he said. My response: “I will tell you that it sucks, and I’m sorry for your loss, but my joke didn’t cause it.” Naturally, he was full of shit about his dad, and was impressed that I didn’t backtrack.  Shit happens. Be miserable or stay jolly. The terrorists won against the U.S.A., but not against me.

There are more, and I’m sure there will be more in the next couple of days as I stop caring about a job that I’m laid off from on Tuesday.  If I didn’t love the people I work with, I would be WAY over the top right now.  Some of these may seem minor, but I was raised on the Disney level of customer service.  This is me letting loose.  I will return to my “Customer Service God” status at next job.  But for now, it’s time to loosen up and have some fun at the expense of the morons.